BDSM is incredibly rich and complete. There is a lot of specialized terminology: what if slave, what if femdom, what if shibari, what if so and so and what if which. There are also the acronyms. “When you practice BDSM, do you use SSC or RACSA?” even if you get dizzy reading it is a valid question. So here comes the definitive BDSM glossary.
BDSM TERMS
BDSM
BDSM is a set of sexual practices that have in common the consensual exchange of power. This means that one of the persons involved gives up part of his personal autonomy for a while and submits, lets himself be whipped, allows himself to be tied up, etc. Of course, all persons involved can stop the practice at any time.
The term BDSM is actually an acronym:
- B is for bondage, or erotic bondage.
- D is for discipline, i.e., training practices.
- D and S are for Domination/submission: control practices where the submissive person surrenders to the dominant.
- S and M are for sadomasochism, meaning sexual practices that include pain: whipping, clamps, hot wax, etc.
Kink
Unconventional sexuality practices. Kink includes BDSM but also encompasses fetishism, paraphilias and, in general, anything that does not fall within sexual “normality”.
Fetish
Any object or part of the body that provokes sexual arousal, especially when we talk about unconventional practices. Some common fetishes are high heels, boots or stockings.
Top / bottom
As part of the BDSM power transfer, people adopt roles. We call bottom the person who surrenders power; we call top the person who receives that session. These terms are generic. Some roles that fall under the concept of
Switch
Person who can feel comfortable in both top and bottom roles, depending on the company, the moment and the situation.
Session
Time period delimited for the practice of BDSM. A session can be as long or as short as desired.
Aftercare
Aftercare period after the BDSM session. This is a
SSC / RACSA
From the beginning, one of the interests of the BDSM community has been to differentiate abuse and unconventional sexuality practices. To this end, two protocols have emerged:
- SSC: the practice will be adequate if it is carried out under the criteria of reasonableness (the people involved are focused on what they are doing, have not consumed alcohol or drugs, etc.), safety (measures have been taken to avoid accidents) and consensus (both parties want what is going to happen).
- RACSA: stands for “risk assumed and consensual for alternative sexuality practices”, and is a protocol that emerged after the SSC. It assumes that BDSM practices will always have a certain risk component, that is, that they will never be totally safe. It therefore emphasizes consensus among participants; it is an informed consensus, where everyone is aware of the risks involved.
Vanilla
A term used within the BDSM community to denote conventional sexual practices. It comes from imagining human sexuality as a gigantic ice cream parlor with thousands of possible flavors to which a customer enters and, without looking, says “one vanilla, please”. It is a derogatory term and part of the community prefers not to use it.
Safety word
A term used to stop the session immediately. It is a previously agreed word, and generally has nothing to do with the sexual sphere.
Despite all the mythology surrounding the safety word, the truth is that it is only used in games involving false refusals, i.e., when the bottom party pretends to resist: in these cases it is necessary to find a way to differentiate this fictitious refusal from a real desire to stop the session. If this is not being played, anything other than spontaneous and active participation in the session should be an indication of stopping.
When the bottom party’s mouth is covered, it is useful to use a “safety gesture”: slapping the floor or dropping keys are signals to stop the game.
Limit
Anything that a person does not want to do. BDSM practices are very broad (spanking, bondage,
Sometimes we speak of “hard limits” and “soft limits”: the former would be those that the person does not want to cross in any case, while the latter would be those that can be crossed in specific circumstances. There are also people who prefer not to use the idea of limits and negotiate the other way around: they agree on what to do in a session instead of establishing a list of what not to do.
Checklist
List of BDSM practices. It is useful for negotiations prior to the session: as unconventional sexuality includes so many practices, it is convenient to have a list to be able to mark which ones we like, what limits there are in each one, etc. The checklists can be relatively short or cover several pages, according to each person’s taste.
Contract
Document in which the conditions of a BDSM relationship are agreed upon. It is an element that comes from Anglo-Saxon BDSM; in Spain it is not usually used. It is also worth remembering that the contract may be fine as a fetish, but it is not binding: sexual freedom is non-delegable.
Spanking
The practice of whipping the skin of the other person. There are many instruments for flogging, from the simple hand to the floggerswhips, whips, whips or rods. To start practicing spanking, it is advisable to go slowly at first and then increase the intensity.
Chastity
The practice of prohibiting the bottom person from having sexual intercourse, masturbating or reaching orgasm. Sometimes applied by means of specific devices.
Subspace / subspace
Mental state that the bottom part can reach in a very intense session, especially when playing with pain. It is an altered state of consciousness, in which one loses contact with reality and can even dissociate from one’s own body. It can be very pleasurable, but it can also be frightening if you do not know what it is. After having experienced it, it is more advisable than ever to have a good aftercare.
Are there more terms in a BDSM glossary? OF COURSE!
We are aware that there are many more words, can you help us to complete our BDSM glossary? Leave us a comment with definitions you know and we will gladly add them to the publication.